So many friends have gone through this process and have now ended up happily married and finally living in the same zip code (yay)! I'm constantly asking them about their advice on how they did it. Being in a LDR, has been difficult and amazing at the same time. I have been able to see many great places in this world and create such found memories with NM. However, I do miss being able to do everyday things, like going to the movies or just hanging in on a Friday night. My wise friend over at Veer Left, has been a part of a long distance relationship for many years and is now married to her soulmate living in great Ol' Canada. Here are some tips and advice that she gave me to keep a long distance relationship healthy and HAPPY:
My husband and I never thought twice about being in a long distance relationship however we started our relationship with 3000 miles between us. The first time we met each other was at an Indian wedding and we didn't truly talk to each other until the reception. We maybe got 2 hours of conversation in between the reception night and the following day where all of our families met for lunch with the bride and groom. He went back to Toronto the next day and we relied on Facebook, Gtalk, sykpe and a whole lot of texting to communicate. The next time we saw each other was 8 months later. We took our time and really got to know each other before we met again and to be honest I felt like I was in a long distance relationship already. I think thats what made it so easy for us - we figured if we can develop and maintain a friendship from different parts of the continents why couldn't we do a relationship.
That all being said I have a few Do's and Don'ts.
DO try to spend at least a few months in the same city if at all possible. Let your significant other see you on days you're not feeling too great or have had a stressed out day at work. Being with somebody means they see all facets of you, not the person who lets go of everything because you only have a few moments to speak to each other and you don't want any stress interjected in the conversation. If you can't do that, take a week or two and go on vacation together, it will at least give you a sense of what being together all the time is. I got to live and work in Toronto for almost a year while my husband and I dated and that was such valuable time for us to get to know each other.
DON'T let each other's visits get caught up in other things. I know, other things is horribly vague but what I mean is all of your friends and family want to see your SO and hang out with them but if you're limited on time, plan for one gathering where hopefully every one can attend and enjoy an evening of hanging out all together. It's okay to be selfish about your time together. We usually pick our favourite close by hang out or do a gathering at home where Bim can see all of my friends and his family (he's got a lot in California!), the same was said when I visited Toronto. Luckily our friends and family were so supportive of our relationship and never put any pressure on us to make separate visits.
DO plan date nights of all varieties when you're together. Act like a couple! Go grocery shopping, make dinner at home and pop in a movie or get all dressed up and go for a romantic dinner by the beach. You've only got a few days to be together so enjoy your time as a couple. Do the things couples do so you have those moments to remember when you're apart. For me the worst was Friday evenings when all I wanted to do was laze around on the couch with Bim, eat pizza and get caught up on TV but couldn't. Now that we are able to do those things I'm so much more appreciative of them.
DON'T get into a long distance relationship if you're having doubts or don't believe it is a serious relationship. If you think being with someone is hard, being in a long distance relationship is even harder and its just not fair to string a person along without the intentions of having a short distance relationship (short distance relationship? is that a thing??). It's most certainly not for the faint of heart but if you can make it work and get through the times apart, when you're finally close to each other it makes being together all the better.
I love this girl, wise beyond her years <3 I now I have to work on my LDR with her! Miss you!!
I also asked NM what his thoughts were on long distance relationships:
No one wants to be in a long distance relationship. No one finds the love of their life and then decides it would be fun to move hundreds or thousands of miles away. But it is the willingness to commit to each other which shows the devotion a long distance couple has for their relationship. Breaking up at the start of a long distance relationship is extremely easy but the fact the couple willingly chooses to endure a painful separation some how brings them closer. Just as a snoring couple sleeps in different rooms to save their relationship, time apart can in some ways be healthy for each person. It fosters trust and support, something very important in all relationships. They can also focus on other aspects of their lives such as school, their career, their family and friends, areas which really shape your lives and otherwise would not get as much attention when couples are stuck at the hip. I truly believe that couples who survive a great distance apart can survive much more difficult times.
.... And he is right. It's easy to get caught up in the convenience of a relationship when everyone lives within subway or driving distance from each other but where is the fun in that. If you do end up in an LDR, you really need to focus on yourself and your happiness. Happy People make Happy Couples :)
